A Beginner’s Guide to Pyramidiotologese
Article published on 17 August 2014

by Comte Poulpitron

A newcomer planning to embark on an analysis and evaluation of present day pyramidiot theories is immediately faced with one major obstacle: namely, a bizarre terminology with words whose meanings don’t seem to quite fit actual dictionary definitions; some of whose more recent manifestations have apparently been borrowed from the pop/geek culture so prevalent everywhere. It is therefore hardly surprising that a tyro might experience some confusion about the apparent meaning of "troll" in Pyramidiotologese, or about the process whereby a simple question might actually be understood as "defamation."

But have no fear! Here at last is a freely available, definitive, non-exhaustive glossary of Pyramidiotological terms, as recognized and applied by those practising in this field.

  • Adventurer: Armchair explorer specialising in photoshop editing and Google Image research.
  • Ancient builders: A race that preceded homo sapiens, and with a predilection for architectural enigmas, probably because they did not have writing. As in the case of Atlantean civilisation, fully biodegradable infrastructure and tools.
  • Anonymity: A despicable and cowardly technique, characterised by hiding behind a pseudonym in order to concentrate attention on the message rather than the messenger, thus depriving genuine debaters of a target at which to aim forceful ad hominem attacks and similar forms of corporal chastisement. Please note that this category does not include sock puppet accounts created with the object of defending statements made by Truthseekers.
  • Anti-seismic: Applied to any building that has survived the ravages of time in a more or less upright position. See also Pyramid.
  • Archaeologist: Member of a scientific mafia that has dealings with Zionists, Freemasons and the Illuminati, and whose purpose is to keep the existence of "Atlantis" and/or "alien" societies concealed from the world. See also Science™.
  • Archaeology: The study of antediluvian civilizations, extra-terrestrial civil engineers, and anything relating to large-scale constructions, whether unexplained, or only unimaginable. Archaeology itself has officially been defunct since 1929; for research conducted after that date, see Science™.
  • Atlanteans: Consortium of hyper-advanced antediluvian Builders; the best known of such groups, and the one most likely not to be found anywhere today. Probably most famous for its many post-flood creations (Pyramid of Giza, Pyramid of Bosnia, Nazca Lines ...); for having provided vital assistance, from the 9th millennium to the 17th century AD, on all architectural projects carried out by our bumbling and inexpert ancestors; and above all for their ecological, and totally biodegradable, technology.
  • Conspiracy: Faction including any government or scientific institution, or lobbying group, that seeks to conceal and/or contradict the Evidence of the Truthseekers.
  • Critique: glowing text about the works of Truthseekers, the latter, moreover, being always willing to submit their cinematic or literary works to such criticism. Not to be confused with differing opinions that come under the Troll or Defamation category.
  • Defamation: The art of posing too many awkward questions.
  • Dogma: Scientific method.
  • Error: Anything that is not the Truth.
  • Evidence: Elusive element arising from non-scientific reasoning (see Science™) that will be provided later. Evidence is always about to be supplied in the near future, but has no real need to be presented.
  • Extra-terrestrials: Amateur proctologists and inspired comedians, who share the same taste in architectural riddles as the Atlanteans, and the same concern with ecologically biodegradable tools.
  • Geek: Works in IT, has never had a girlfriend, still lives with his mother, and spends his time surfing the internet with the purpose of formulating multiple accounts and unearthing old web-pages that had long been consigned to oblivion on WayBack. The Geek is just a Troll in the making.
  • Hypothesis: Non-science-based fact (see Science™) validated by the word and integrity of Truthseekers.
  • Impossible: Synonym for: "I can’t understand."
  • Manipulator: Anyone posting links with sources that don’t align with the thinking of Truthseekers; could be classed as Troll or Defamation.
  • Megalith: Any block of stone of a size psychologically imposing enough to be judged impossible to shift without the help of biodegradable tools provided by the Ancient Builders/Atlanteans/Extraterrestrials.
  • Pi, phi: Ratios found everywhere in Atlantean buildings, Renault Twingos and McDonalds cheeseburgers.
  • Pyramid:
    • Construction that cannot be built using modern technology, but is capable of producing infinite energy, alternating with apocalyptic messages
    • Rocky eminence with a vaguely pyramidal shape.
  • School: Propaganda conspiracy factory designed to churn out a breed of square-eyed Sheeple.
  • Science™: Dogmatic discipline, funded by Conspirators, that attempts to prevent Truthseekers from disseminating their theories to the peoples of the Earth. No reliance can be placed on the validity of Science™, and anyone seeking the Truth should lose no time in distancing him- or herself from it.
  • Sheeple: People who refuse to blindly accept the evidence of Truthseekers.
  • Sponsor: Secret organization that provides assistance to Truthseekers, but discreetly, in order to avert the wrath of Conspirators.
  • Television: Medium consisting of only one channel, broadcasting only football matches or interviews with Paris Hilton. Television is exclusively for sheeple.
  • Trial: Mythical event invoked by Truthseekers when Defamatory Statements from Trolls become too pressing. As with Evidence, the Trial is always about to take place in the near future.
  • Troll: Anyone questioning the Hypotheses, Evidence, Sponsors and Truths presented by Truthseekers. The Troll is sometimes a Geek, sometimes a Manipulator and always a Sheeple. The Troll is funded by conspirators.
  • Truth: irrefutable fact that does not depend on scientific endorsement. In short: Anything coming out of the mouth of a Truthseeker.
  • Truthseeker: Anyone who opposes Science™. Once a Truthseeker has joined the fray, any of his or her theories becomes immutably valid. This group includes names to conjure with such as Grimault, Jongbloed, and Osmanagic …